Do you find it difficult to say “No”? In my own life, I find myself saying “Yes” to almost every request that comes my way. Is that a good thing, or should we be learning how to say “no”?
The example of the ten virgins
In Matthew 25:1-13, we read about the parable of the Ten Virgins. Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. The wise ones took extra oil in jars in addition to what they had in their lamps, but the foolish ones did the opposite and only took the oil they had in their lamps.
The moral of the parable is that, as Christians, we should be prepared at all times and keep watch because no one knows the day or the hour that Jesus will return except God the Father (Mark 13:32).
Lessons from the parable
From this parable, we can see that the wise virgins had the foresight and planned accordingly. Still, the foolish virgins only took what they thought they would need for the time they awaited the bridegroom, which took longer than the virgins had planned for.
This scenario seems to be the irony of life – things are never as we expect them to turn out. Delays, cancellations, or unforeseen circumstances and situations beyond our control could affect our daily plans, so we need to learn how to be prepared for every eventuality as the five wise virgins did.
Learning how to say ‘no’
Further to the lesson taught by Jesus, there is another lesson we can take from this parable, and it’s learning how to say “No”. When the foolish virgins ask for oil from the five wise virgins, the reply they get is “No”.
I love little children; something about them is so adorable, cute, and innocent. Do you know that one of the top 10 words they learn by 18-months is “No”? Although they say “No” to almost everything, as adults, we should know that not every request that comes our way we say “Yes” to.
Stop and think
Think and ponder before answering any request. Ask yourself, “will such a request draw me away from God’s intended plan for my life and eternal destination?” Will saying “Yes” be to the detriment of my well-being, that of my family, my job, or my time?
As Christians, there will be times when we feel the need to go out of our way and render help where necessary, but we should do this considering all the reasons stated above.
Use your time wisely
By always wanting to help, we are also not called to be a doormat for people to walk over as and when they choose. We need to be wise. Our time and our lives are precious; time is too short, and there’s a lot to be achieved in this short time we have to live here on earth.
Paul encourages Christians in the book of Ephesians that they should make the most of every opportunity because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16).
Learning how to say ‘no’ with wisdom
And when we do get to say “No”, let’s not forget to give a reason for saying “No”, and always try to suggest alternatives if we can. The wise virgins said, “there may not be enough for both us and you….” They then offered an alternative to “go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves”. Their response requires wisdom and must be said in a humble manner and with genuine concern for the other party.
As parents, we often find ourselves in this situation with our children. Rather than reply with a big “No” to a request, you should always give them your reasons and make suggestions or give alternative courses of action.
Spiritual well-being and learning to say ‘no’
On the flip side, however, there is an area of our lives where we don’t need to give reasons, suggestions, or be polite. This area concerns our spiritual well-being and how it affects us from becoming a shining light to the world. We must say a BIG “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions (Titus 2:11-14). God’s grace teaches us, but only if we will allow it.
Ungodliness is simply anything that contradicts God’s will or His nature. Worldly passions are earthly things (of no eternal value) that will most certainly diminish and choke our love for pursuing the ways, purposes, and knowledge of God. We should be ruthless and bold in saying “No” to these two things.
Take time to reflect
At this point, I would like to encourage you to take a moment to reflect on decisions you have made or requests that have been asked of you lately. How did you do in light of what you have read? Was it easy to say “No? Were you considerate in your response? Did you give a valid reason, and did you try to provide an alternate solution?
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom to learn how to live and the strength and courage to say “No”. Help me realise that I have not been called to save the whole world. Empower me to speak with tact, empathy, and compassion to those who come to me with a request.